Monday, April 19, 2010

JJ Method 6: He's Just Not That Into You

So as great as the British Trap is, sometimes there just isn't time to prepare for something like that. Luckily, there's other ways to get yourself a decent guy to help you achieve popularity.

1) Spend a week or so in the summer stalking the most popular boy in school (unless you're a guy, in which case the most popular girl). Dig up some dirt and, if possible, capture it on film. Also, discover some of his interests.

2) Soon after the event, approach the popular individual and threaten to expose his secrets to the entire school should he not pretend to date you. Since he cares about his reputation, he'll be forced to oblige.

3) Since you know what his interests are, be sure you capture the essence of every one of them so he soon actually falls in love with you.

4) Come school time, you and this attractive man are inseparable, meaning you have no choice but to hang out with his friends.

5) Buy a private island near Honalulu and offer it to your boyfriend's family while dressing as a giraffe from some ridiculous real estate promotion. The family will be overjoyed and will move to the house as soon as possible. Unfortunately, so will your boyfriend.

6) Help him keep in touch with his friends through you by telling them what he tells you to tell them and making some stuff up from time to time.

7) As you begin to hang out with them more, they'll stop seeing you as "whatshisface's girlfriend" and start seeing you for yourself. Be sure that you also capture the essence of their interests so that they find someone they're compatible with, not some stranger they don't understand.

8) As you grow close to the popular kids, start delivering less and less information from your old boyfriend and start talking more about yourselves.

9) Soon everyone will have forgotten about your previous connection to the group and see you as one of their own.

10) Ohmygoodness, you're popular. Aren't I amazing? :)

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