JJ Method 3: The Camera Smog

Doesn't matter how ugly, nerdy, fat, or just uncool you are. When you're holding a camera, people want to be with you. It's as if you've been coated by the smokey fog of the camera and suddenly, you're the most beautiful girl in the world with unheard of popularity. Now, of course, it's not as simple as holding a camera. You need to play your cards right, and here's how you do that.

1) Purchase a giant, incredibly powerful potato launcher and shoot the school yearbook photographer with several dozen potatoes. Be sure you don't kill her, just put her out of school for a week or so and in a cast for a month. By the time she's healthy again, she'll have been forgotten or replaced and her job is basically over.

2) Purchase one of those nifty expensive cameras like the Nikon D3X or the Olympus E-30. So it'll require a solid hunk of cash, but if it means enough to you, you'll pay. Plus, who knows when you'll need a nice camera?

3) Join the yearbook committee. Take a bunch of pictures by the yearbook room and everywhere else, posting them to Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, and any other social media networking site that I haven't heard of.

4) Act completely shocked when offered the position of yearbook photographer, but take the job as soon as you can so they don't reconsider or replace you.

5) Post this news all over any of the social networking sites you used before, getting the word out.

6) Carry your camera everywhere, taking flattering photos of everyone EXCEPT the popular kids.

7) Watch as they come to you. It would be unfortunate for the yearbook to not feature their faces and they'd rather not lose out on that.

8) Don't take too many pictures with them. Instead, talk with them, laugh with them, and let them get to know you while you take a few pictures a month. Be sure to conform your preferences to theirs so they feel less uncomfortable and more like you belong with them. Hold back any urge to do something they wouldn't do until a year has passed and they've finally accepted you as one of their own.

9) Even after the yearbook is in publication continue taking pictures so they don't realize. It'll become apparent soon that you've grown on them and they'll continue letting you hang out with them regardless of the whereabouts of your very expensive camera.

10) Oh, what's that? You're popular? What a shock.